Episode 86-Let Go and Let God
Reflecting on our relationship with God, finding safe surrender, and allowing comforting restoration to steady our souls.
We are still dealing with our series on -Healing from the Grief of the Loss of a loved one. So far, we have looked at the emotion of grieving and stressed that grieving is absolutely normal and that we should never suppress our feelings of the pain of loss. We have counseled against friends, family and colleagues trying to discourage bereaved persons from grieving by the statements they make.
Now that we have laid the foundation and understand that grief is a normal response to bereavement and that it is absolutely okay to express our feelings, the next thing to consider is-how should a child of God grieve?
So in this Episode, we are going to consider the place of God and our relationship with Him during our time of bereavement. Our topic is-Let Go and Let God.
The first thing I want us to consider here is this-when you weep and grieve about your lost one, what exactly are you weeping about?
The Bible frequently refers to Believers when they die as those who have “fallen asleep” so the Christian perspective of death is sleeping, resting. 1 Thessalonians 4:13 states-“ But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, less you sorrow as those who have no hope.” And in John 11:11-14: Jesus referring to His friend Lazarus said- “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to wake him up.”
So the Bible does not treat death as final. It teaches that those who die in Christ are immediately ushered into the presence of God. Remember Jesus saying to one of the criminals who were hanged by His side-“Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise. (Luke 23:43). Paul said in Philippians 1:21 and 23-“ For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.” Paul acknowledged that when he departed this world, he would be translated into the presence of Christ. So the death of a child of God is not a state of non-existence. It’s not final.
Recall that when Lazarus died and Jesus went to visit his sisters, He said to them- “Your brother will rise again”. John 11:23
The Word of God assures us that the death of our loved ones is not final but that in fact they have been translated into the presence of God where they dwell in the company of innumerable angels, and that on the final day they will rise again. Is it not true that all those who have had an out of body experience of being taken to Heaven say they did not want to come back to earth. Despite their loved ones missing them and weeping, they all testified that they did not want to come back! Not one person has said they wanted to come back to their loved ones!.
So let’s face it. We do not need to feel sorry for those we have lost because they are resting. They are happy. They are at peace!
Since we know that our loved ones are resting and at peace in the presence of God where they are, why then do we sorrow and grieve?
The truth of the matter is that we do not grieve for them. Yes! We grieve for ourselves. We are sad because we miss them. We are sad because we will never see them again. We grieve the loss of their presence, their company; their love and the important role they played in our lives.
It is not an easy pill to swallow, but I have to face the fact that my grief is for me. I am grieving because I will never see my sister again. Sometimes I tell myself I am grieving because she will not reap the reward of all her hardwork; she will not see her grandchildren graduate from the university and get married; she will not enjoy the fruits of her labour and so on. But then, I remind myself that in spite of these, she is happier where she is. She would not want to come back!
I struggle with this conversation with myself all the time.
So now that I know that my grief is for myself, what do I do? How do I help myself?
What choice do I have but to turn to the only one who would never disappoint me? The one who promised never to leave nor forsake me? Our Lord is like a robe we can hold onto to climb out of the pit of grief. The emotional pain and devastation of grief is proof that you do not have enough strength of your own to deal with it.
Oh Yes, during the initial stage of bereavement and even after you put your loved one to rest, it’s okay to grieve. But after a while, we have to start being intentional about leaning on God and calling Him into the situation for the process of healing to commence.
When we make the decision to start the walk of healing from grief is a good time to reflect on our relationship with God. It’s a good time to remind yourself of who you are in Christ. It’s a good time to remind yourself of how much He loves you; to remind ourselves that we must not mourn like those who have no hope because Christ is our hope. These are the truths that would help us in the process of healing. This is the time to gradually get back into our routine of meditating on the Scriptures and praying. It is time to meditate on what God says about our situation, His love, strength and faithfulness to pull us through.
Surrender Breathing Pacer
Grieving places immense physical tension on the heart. Breathe slowly as the circle expands, hold, and release as it contracts.
Scriptural Reminders of Strength
I have found some scriptures that remind me of who I am in Christ, His love for me and where my strength comes from useful. I am sure you would find these scriptures useful too.
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!”
This scripture is a reminder that our identity is still “child of God,” even even when we grieve.
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This powerful scripture has always encouraged me to be strengthened in the knowledge that I would overcome every challenge because of God’s unconditional love for me. It declares that nothing including death can separate us from the love of God. It reminds us that God’s love for us remains unbroken and would enable us to conquer that excrutiating pain of loss.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
This is an invitation from God to come to Him in our grief. It’s a promise of healing for our souls.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
This scripture is an assurance that God heals our grief.
Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.
In this scripture, Jesus promises us that our hearts will rejoice after the time of sorrow.
“Fear not, for I am with you… I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
I love this reminder that God is always; always with us. It assures us of His presence, help, and strength when we need Help.
Scripture
Take a quiet moment to reflect on your thoughts.
Private space. Your words stay on your local screen.
It will be useful at this time to speak these words of your identity in Christ and His love for you into your life. Say to yourself-God loves me unconditionally; God will never leave me nor forsake me. Remind yourself that you may be hurting now, but that God will never take His covenant of peace from you. Remind yourself that the Holy Spirit is always with you to comfort you. Scripture says you are the apple of the Lord’s eye and your identity should not be destroyed by the pain of losing a loved one.
I remember the day my sister passed. Life seemed bleak. I could not imagine life without her. But God has been faithful. He is steadily healing my soul.
She has been gone for 5 months. Some days are normal and peaceful for me. Yet some times, the grief return- sometimes sharply, with Goosebumps breaking all over me; at other times mildly.
It is important to understand that healing from grief is a gradual process. Our grief will not disappear because we know the truth. Our strong faith in God can co-exist with our grief as we heal. The objective should not be to prove how strong we are. The objective should be to rest on Christ as our strength. Our goal should be to grieve and slowly heal while holding onto who God says we are and what He says about us.
This reminds me of the Scripture in Job 19: 25-“I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand on the earth. God has the final say!. We will feel the pain of loss, but ultimately, we are assured that God will fully restore our joy of living.
It’s important that we deal with the pain of grief with hope and faith in God as the bible says, so that suffering does not define us or even destroy us, but instead transform us into persons with more wisdom, compassion and resilience.
Heavenly Father, grant us the revelation of your Word in 2 Corinthians 12:9- My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness in Jesus Name.