My name is Joy Ebeledike. You are welcome to Joy Ebeledike’s journal.  In this Episode
we shall continue with our theme on Overcoming Anger.  
In our last episode we reviewed the root and seriousness of anger issues. We saw that
uncontrolled anger can be destructive, lead to unnecessary arguments, violence,
emotional trauma, destruction of relationship as well as result in physical harm to your
body system. And we saw that answer is not of God. Today we shall consider the
question- How then do we tackle and overcome the problem of anger?
1. It’s truly difficult to forgive and let go in the flesh but a good exercise to undertake
sometimes is to reflect on God’s kindness and forgiveness for us. Can you
fathom the fact that Jesus Christ sacrificed His own life for us; took the
punishment for our sins even before we committed them and promised us that
nothing can come between us and His love for us; that nothing we do can
separate us from His love? Not because of anything we have done. Just because
of His love for us. That is huge. Constantly reflecting on Christ’s sacrifice would
certainly help us to forgive. Reading scriptures about God’s love and sacrifice
would help us to slowly change our mindset about the need to forgive and let go.
And on this I recommend-1 John 4:7-12; Romans 8:35-39; Isaiah 54:10
Ephesians 2:4-7; Psalm 36:5-7.
2. Secondly we cannot do without praying about anger issue. Galatians 5:17 states-
For the flesh lusts against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh; and these
are contrary to one another. Verse 19 of this chapter, listing the works of the
flesh include- hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish
ambitions, dissensions, envy, etc. Almost every emotion that made the list of
works of the flesh in verse 19 has their root in anger. So based on verse 17
anger opposes the Spirit of God.
I guess this is why it is said that anger is a spirit. So we cannot really deal with
the issue of anger on our own. We cannot deal with this issue by deciding to stop
being an angry person. We need to ask the help of the Holy Spirit. We need to
invoke that scripture in Romans 8:11 which says- But if the Spirit of Him who
raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead
will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. This
means you can ask for the resurrection power of the Holy Spirit to deliver you
from the power of anger.
Romans 8:26-27 also provides for the help of the Spirit of God in our prayers.
That scripture states- Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we
do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes
intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered. This scripture assures
us that even when we do not know what to pray and how to pray, the Spirit of
God intercedes for us through wordless groans. When we are so angry and do

not even feel like praying for God to help us let go, we can present the matter to
the Holy Spirit and ask Him to help us pray and deal with the matter. We just
need to be honest and present the problem to God and He will meet us where we
are in our weakness. The most important thing is to humble ourselves and
acknowledge that we need help. We should also ask God for the strength and
enablement to apply the recommendations I am going to make subsequently or
to tell us how He wants us to deal with our anger issue.
3. Then off course your confession that anger does not control you matters a lot.
Romans 8:14 declares that sin does not have dominion over you; for you are not
under law but under Grace. This means that as a child of God you have dominion
over lack of self control including anger. Like I have said before, this scripture
that says that anger does not control you and that you have dominion over anger
is a weapon you should use to overcome anger. You need to faithfully and
consistently confess that you have dominion over anger. Your daily confession of
the word of God over your anger problem will help you to gradually overcome
anger.
As we work on our mindset and enlist the help of God the Holy Spirit to work on
the anger problem, other things we can do, off course asking for the help of the
Holy Spirit are
4. When someone says an unkind word to you or does something upsetting, try not
to respond or act immediately. Instead, hold back and take your time when you
are angry. Proverbs 29:11 says- A fool gives vent to his anger, but a wise man
keeps himself under control. And Proverbs 29: 20 says-Do you see a man hasty
in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him. People say you should
count to ten before speaking. But I think its better to say a quick prayer; ask the
Holy Spirit to help you not to react in anger. This may be difficult when you are
angry, but if you try to start it it will get easier with time.
5. When someone treats you unfairly, try to control your emotions and let the
person know how you feel instead without lashing out angrily. If the person is
argumentative, you may decide not to discuss the matter immediately. You may
wait for a better time to talk to the person about the way they spoke to you or
treated you and how you feel about it. Proverbs 15:1-2 says –a soft answer turns
away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.

6. Naturally we cannot avoid arguments and healthy debates. But sometimes we
find ourselves getting into unhealthy, divisive and angry arguments that get too
personal and harsh. Such arguments promptly lead to quarrels and name calling.
We should avoid such arguments. Most times we do not have the intention of
getting involved in such unfruitful arguments but we find ourselves more and
more involved because we want to prove our points until it gets messy. 2
Timothy 2:23 says- Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments,
because you know they produce quarrels.

Sometimes, we get into arguments because we want to have the last say. Some
people must win the argument even if it means telling lies about the way things
happened and fabricating data. When the other party does not give in, tempers
flare.
We just need to be more alert to stay away from unnecessary arguments and
warn ourselves to give up when the argument is about to get into the danger
zone. I have made this a prayer point because when I get into these arguments,
it has a way of draining me emotionally.
7. Romans 12:18 says-if it is possible as far as it depends on you, leave at peace
with everyone.
Naturally it is easy to get entangled in controversies and disagreements. Making
every effort to live at peace with all men means to make sure we are not the
cause of a break-down of a peaceful existence with another person. We should
try to stay away from controversies and quarrels. But when a person refuses to
work on their anger problem and continues to make being around them
unbearable for us, then it may be the time to find a way of putting a distance
between us and them without resentment.
Sometimes in a friendship, business partnership or ministry, deep disagreements
may arise due to differences of perspective or conviction. In such situations
instead of remaining together in an unhealthy and consistently contentious
environment, it is advisable to part ways peacefully. The parting of ways between
Barnabas and Paul as recorded in the book of Acts comes to mind here. Even if
the other person adopts an antagonistic attitude, we should stay cordial and
never respond in anger or bitterness.
You may have to set a healthy boundary in order to relate with a person that is
always angry and all attempts to relate peacefully with them has failed. Off
course this is easier if it’s a friend or colleague or someone you can easily stay
away from. But what if it’s a spouse, a parent or a child? Then you may set a
boundary by politely ending the conversation once its about to get harsh or by
going to another room or leaving the house when they get angry. Living in close
proximity with a person that can’t control their anger is not an easy way of life but
its a conversation for another day.